H O O K E D - Esteemed Self-Esteem

Esteemed Self-Esteem

Written by Corinna Choh

I have a confession to make: I initially volunteered for this article because I thought it’d be a piece of cake. List a couple of regular problems that everyone faces, write a trite solution to it, and voilà, it's done! But who wants to hear about something that comes straight from those brochures that you pick up while waiting for your turn at the neighbourhood clinic?

Wait a minute, I’m not saying that we’re all loopy for feeling the way we are. We are all humans, complete with the human-package of human-problems, and I'm pretty sure that Gisele Bundchen rolls out of bed feeling like the toilet bowl on some days too.

So where do we go from here then? What is it about our seemingly average problems that come across to us as meganormously huge? How do we chew it down to bite-sized pieces, without inducing cardiac arrest on ourselves first?

        Let’s face it. To us average Jane-s, Joe-s, Mary-s and John-s, the days where we roll out of bed (literally) looking like a cat that just got soaked in a tub of water happens a fair bit. You know logically that you’re no Victoria Secret’s model or for the boys, having a one-pack does not really eat into your daily conscience but hey, you’re not too bad.

        Statistically, only about 1 percent of the world’s population has that body type that makes them centerfold for top-selling fashion magazines. The rest of us ‘mere mortals’ fall into the majority (remaining 99%), and it’s not that lonely being where we are!

        Consider this: The dominant body image that is always presented to us is usually Caucasian, fair-skinned, slim (if not alarmingly skinny). Perhaps some perspective needs to be put in light that we’re Asians, not that the race should matter at all. Maybe it’s a good practice to start thinking that being different should not have a negative connotation and start doing things that make you feel comfortable in your own skin.

If you like wearing hot pink tights, wear them! And if you feel like putting on a fedora cap just because, put it on. Our bodies and how we look may be made differently, hence, is it not better to embrace our differences instead of looking like computerized clones?

grades

        How about when it comes to academia? There is this anxiety and frustration at the grade and work. In every student’s life, there will come a point when the thought processes move somewhere along the lines of, “The ratio of effort to result is 10:1. I’m giving up.” What move impetus is there to drive us when even hard work does not pay off?

        Since our kindergarten days, it’s been driven into us that when you work hard, you’ll be rewarded either with stickers, ‘chops’ (read: stamps) that are embossed with “GOOD WORK!” or Mummy’s praises. We realize that when we move into higher education, there are no more stickers or ‘chops’, worst yet, it’s the exact opposite of what we expect for our hard work.

        How about that other boy/girl who skips lectures every single week, goes for only one out of the five tutorials and still manages to get at least an A- on his/her assignments? I admit, sometimes, I fantasize about wrangling their necks and doing them bodily harm, horror flick style.

        So what is the point of it all? I think, it is to teach one to grow a thicker layer of skin. Think of it this way, the remarks that you receive in your assignments might seem scathing but when one embarks on a working journey, these scathing remarks might be verbal and even humiliating.

self

        Maybe the point is simply to ask, instead of assuming. Ask, ask, ask. Clarify any doubts, clarify even the things, which you think you’re sure about! It would be a shame to not put those school fees to good use, especially when it’s a significant amount. After which, take a deep breath, close your eyes, clear your mind and say, “Ohmmmm. I will not compare myself to anyone anymore.” Repeat ad infinitum.

        There is a Chinese saying that there will always be another mountain higher than the present one. To constantly compare oneself is to live in a state of constant existential anxiety. It does no good to one’s self-esteem to feel like one is simply mediocre. Concentrate instead on an achievable goal like bettering oneself instead of trying to beat the Einstein of the class. Well, it’s not impossible – nothing is, but it is fraught with a lot more tension and the results aren’t as certain as bettering oneself.

        Speaking of comparison, you know how on some days when you’re feeling like the rubbish chute and your grades aren’t fantastic, your mind wanders off to your significant other and his/her ex? Or how this girl/guy you know seem to have an endless supply of friends? You can’t help but wonder if you just simply suck at making relationships work. (Yes, this would be one of those days where you wail out in agony and think that everything is unfair and everyone’s out to get you.)

Not only do we feel a certain dissatisfaction with ourselves, we actually believe that we are inadequate in some aspects. Sometimes, we lose perspective of who we are because we’re trying to, ironically, better ourselves and do better. We don’t realize that even when we try to do all that, the essential bit that makes us, defines us, characterizes us, should never ever be lost. Take heart in the fact that it is not the quantity but quality that matters. Yes, he/she might have stayed with that ex for a good 3 years, but there’s a reason why the term “ex” is used now, innit?

self-esteem-training

The truth of the matter is that when it comes to dealing with self-esteem issues, everyone may face similar problems but not all the same, it is different. There are nuances that define and differentiate our experiences and one cannot assume that there will necessarily be a one-size-fits-all solution to these issues that we all face. In fact, there can never be a solution, not until we take in some perspective and try to find satisfaction in ourselves. hooked

Images courtesy of:
http://jefmenguin.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/selfesteem.gif
http://www.hypnotichelp.co.uk/images/self-esteem.jpg
http://www.nataliedee.com/112206/self-esteem-training.jpg
http://blogfabulous.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/self.png
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/epa0727l.jpg

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