Relationships are a gamble; there is always a 50-50 probability that you either end up living with the person forever, or that it will end in heartbreak and misery. Read on to find out what two HOOKED writers believe are the signs for a breakup.
She Says: So, if relationships are a gamble, with breakups coming so unexpectedly out of the blue, leaving us stunned and speechless, most of the time, there are several telling signs to show that your relationship is in jeopardy, if only you are willing to face it. The most effective tool women can use to detect an imminent breakup is our gut feeling and female intuition.
He Says: I think that firstly, there are shades of grey in the gulf between staying together forever and tragic breakups. A relationship could slowly fizzle out, but a friendship remains. This could result from a realisation that two people are great as friends but not so hot as anything more. Because there are these shades of grey, the signs that a relationship is not going the way it was expected are numerous and diverse. Woe is man, for he is not a creature of subtlety.
Growing Distant
She Says: Usually, when your significant other is considering breaking up with you, he would seem more aloof and distant, both physically and interactively. For example, his SMS-es get shorter and more abrupt, lacking its usual sensitivity and concern. Telephone conversations, be it the daily late-night ones or just phone calls in general, begin to seem more forced than amiable, and sometimes, the calls stop altogether.
Unanswered missed calls start to abound and he doesn’t bother to call back. When you ask him about it later, he is armed with a multitude of excuses each time. Even when the both of you have a face-to-face conversation, he appears inattentive and distracted, and his mind seems occupied elsewhere. He seldom adds much to the conversation and appears anxious to end it and stop talking altogether.
In addition, meeting up gets increasingly difficult because he is always busy when in truth, the real reason is because he is contemplating a break-up with you, and your company stirs his guilt and leads his thoughts down the path where that inevitable action will soon happen – something in which he dreads your reaction. In short, you sicken him simply with your presence.
He Says: When text messages get shorter, men don’t see it as abrupt. We see it as being concise, and therefore a good thing. For a man, terse messages are not going to drive home the message. Men are also averse to long telephone conversations, so once again, shorter phone calls, we’re happy. Still not getting it. The real sign for men is when we’re together, and the girl appears distracted and uninterested. She no longer pretends to laugh at your witticisms. Worse still, when she answers monosyllabically and gives vague answers, this is a clarion call of trouble.
Waning Affection
She Says: Somehow, you can also feel his affection for you waning. You begin to feel like your hand is being held by that of an unfeeling mannequin, which used to make you feel secure, but now feels like it’s done just for the sake of it, because neither of you wants to acknowledge that something is wrong.
This extends to other physical expressions of love, which merely seem aloof and emotionless, no longer warm and sincere. Nothing seems the same, compared to the times when it all seemed so perfect. Intimate talk is also avoided at all costs, with no more comments like “You look nice in that outfit.” or “I love you”s.
In fact, that L word becomes almost a vulgarity. Those three words are a magic phrase that can only be felt when the speaker says it with genuine feelings and means what he says. So it follows that when you’re hollow, those words become hollow as well.
All these changes in behaviour can mean two things: 1) that he wants to avoid any situation where he might have to express emotion or attachment to you, and 2) he is getting it elsewhere.
He says: I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, subtlety is not our forte. Men need tangible signs. Affection is a difficult thing to quantify or manifest, and different people show affection in different ways, so it’s hard to know if she’s really not that into you anymore, or if that’s just her style. But then, if you’ve known her well enough, you can tell.
Signs of waning affection that men can clearly perceive are limited at best. What we would prefer is a straightforward statement. Tell us.
Potential Breakup Lines
She Says: “I need some space”; “I think we should see other people”; “I need to be alone for awhile and think things over”; “Really, it's not you, I'm just going through a selfish phase..."; and other variations are the ultimate signs that should set off your mental alarm: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! He’s going to break up with me!
These are exit strategies. He doesn’t want to hurt you, so technically he isn’t really breaking up with you (no big crying scene to endure), but he has paved himself a way out, and you should brace yourself. Take note though that these lines don’t always necessarily signify a breakup, they just indicate a considerably high likelihood.
He Says: All the usual breakup lines are warning signs. Sometimes, girls tend to sugarcoat it to let us down easy. As much as we appreciate you not wanting to hurt us, the best thing would still be an unequivocal statement, so that we will know when to back off, rather than keeping our hearts entwined in your pretty little fingers.
Talking Gets Increasingly Difficult
She Says: While talking used to come so naturally, and the both of you have so much to talk about for hours on end, it now seems strained. What laughter the awkward jokes generate feels too forced and fake.
Once upon a time, he wanted to know all about your day; now, he belittles your problems and you can sense that secretly, he hopes for you to shut up already. It’s harder still to bring up that “we have to talk” or “something is wrong” topic, or any talk at all about the future, which makes sense: if next Thursday already seems like too much of a commitment, it could be because he's trying to extricate himself by Wednesday night.
He Says: Talk always comes grudgingly to men. So if the guy seems a little reserved, it could just be that he has said everything that could usefully be said. However, when a girl doesn’t talk as much as she normally does, this is a sure sign of impending disaster. And if either the guy or the girl is belittling the other’s problems, then the relationship was over long ago. Now, they’re just being nasty.
Fights
 She Says: You start arguing about even the littlest, most trivial and senseless things under the sun. Picking silly, nonsensical fights could be his way of trying to get you to make the first movie, where courage fails him.
Suddenly, all your little humanly imperfections and faults that once were merely skimmed over and largely overlooked become glaringly obvious and of utmost importance in his eyes, while he acquires the new hobby of constantly finding fault with you, taking upon himself as a personal mission to bring down your self esteem.
He Says: Once again, this is a clear sign to guys as well. If the girl or guy is hurting the other’s self-esteem, then this is beyond the realm of a failing relationship, and already descending into spite. Get out as fast as you can.
Waiting and other miscellaneous signs
She Says: Time is an important non-verbal communication. If he keeps you waiting, and waiting, and waiting, it’s both a sign of his waning interest and disrespect. Similarly, if he waits until the last minute to make date plans with you, say, on New Year’s Eve, it’s probably safe to deduce that he had been hoping for something better to come along. You, my friend, are his backup plan.
Other telling signs include his spending more time with his buddies, his forgetting your birthday and anniversary, and the most horrific of all – when your girlfriends ask you, “Is everything okay between you and him?” because it turns out that behind your back, he has been confiding in your best friends regarding all the mishaps and predicaments of your relationship. Utterly embarrassing, mortifying, and hurtful!
This comprehensive list was compiled with the help of my friends’ relationship experiences and several websites doling out wise relationship advice. I would say that the above is an exaggerated Hollywood version, and because life is far more complex than romantic comedies, it should be taken with discretion, although it does serve as a good, wholesome guideline.
In my opinion, the above signs do not differ for both genders; they are just as likely to occur to a guy whose girlfriend is contemplating a breakup with him. But one important note is that we should all have more faith in our significant other and not reduce our relationship to a strict checklist based on this article.
For instance, if he says he needs some time alone, please don’t point an accusation at him immediately! Briefly suspect it at the back of your mind, quietly acknowledge the possibility, yes, but don’t hurl things at him and scream, “You don’t love me anymore!” or “Who is it? Who’s the new girl, huh, HUH?” (If he wasn’t planning to break up with you in the first place, those accusations might just frighten him enough to actually do it.)
At the end of the day, in a strictly non-politically-correct way, mutual trust is still the most important.
He says: I think that one should not be too quick to jump to conclusions. To err is human, and forgetting a birthday or making last-minute plans could just be a sign of a hectic lifestyle and sheer laziness, rather than a failing relationship. Give her (or him) the benefit of the doubt.
I have no idea about romantic comedies because I, like many men, do not watch them. But I can safely say that Hollywood should not be a guide to personal matters, seeing their own ineptitude in dealing with their own. Think for yourself on this one. hooked
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