Anger Management 101

Written by Rachel Xu & Parvinder Gill

Experiencing wrath is an intrinsic human experience and the ability to deal with the emotion when it rears its ugly head in those moments; when we lapse from our otherwise rational mindsets, is a fundamental life skill that is intuitively appealing in its simplicity. However, the self-introspection that is demanded from oneself, in order to effectively deal with one's wrath is a seemingly insurmountable task for many. Therefore, Hooked brings to you a sufficiently comprehensive guide on how to drive your wrath, instead of being driven by it, courtesy of our fellow NUS undergraduates who have graciously offered to undertake the role of anger management counselors, and provide their two cents' worth on steps to adopt for effective anger management.         Dealing with wrath is fundamentally a behavioral issue. Good behaviors can be learnt and bad behaviors, unlearned with a fair dose of discomfort but otherwise, relative ease and speed.         However, the ability to deal effectively with our wrath necessitates a certain degree of self-awareness that we are in a fight or flight response, and requires a significant display of self-restraint and rationality on our part to consciously deflate our habitual reflexes.         That, as the saying goes, "is easier said than done." What is Anger?         Anger is an ordinary human emotion that has been propelled to extraordinary status, because of the potential severity of the resultant behaviors or actions that the emotion can create.         While that is understandable, one factor that remains elusive to us is the tendency of a significant number of people to make the erroneous presumption that an angry person should always outwardly display a fight or flight response.         Even-tempered individuals have been known to be chided for their lack of anger-infused outbursts and labeled "robotic" or "cunning" among other things. Unbeknownst to these finger-pointers, the even-tempered individuals that they bait with their infantile comments will most likely react with anger, but their well-developed self-restraint will enable them to project an outward display of unworldly calm, while they consciously work at resisting the natural, physiological impulse of exhibiting a resultant fight or flight response.         So again we stress, anger is normal and no one is truly immune from the emotion. People only differ in the way they respond to it.   What Fuels Anger?         The simple answer is undesirable change.         Since most of us have outgrown our caveman tendencies of hunting and gathering, our anger no longer stems from a life-threatening situation involving a lion and a mini wooden spear.         Instead, we are now threatened with the constant metamorphosis of an environment, driven by technology and evolving social dynamics, plunging most of us into an identity crisis of some sorts.         The instability of continuous, dynamic change is a potent concoction for the creation of an angst-plagued human race. It is intuitively appealing, isn't it? After all, in the face of potential change, excess bio-chemicals are pumped into our body; we become prone to feeling anxious, threatened, defensive and/or flighty, as we react instinctively by either waging a war on the factor of change or running away from it.  Steps to Effective Anger Management         How then do we deal effectively with anger? We posed this question to our fellow undergraduates and were suitably impressed by their rational, sensitive and discerning responses. "I feel that you have to be attuned to the common physiological signs that you experience or exhibit when you are angry. These signs might include rapid breathing, dilated pupils, a sharpening in the tone of your voice, an increase in the speed at which you are talking or even the reddening of your ears. They are your body's way of warning you that you're at risk of having an emotional outburst and by being consciously aware of these signals, you can take the necessary steps to focus on calming yourself down." (Sarah Lee - Year 3 Arts)   "I think that generally, when people are angry, they act unfairly not only to others, but also to themselves. They do not give themselves time to react well to the stimulus of their anger. So, one way to diffuse your anger is to slow down to give your mind enough time to react rationally to the issue that is driving your rage." (Joanna Chan - Year 2 Business) "When I am angry, I usually prefer to take a time-out to calm myself down and let whoever I'm dealing with have sufficient time to regroup his/her thoughts as well, so that both of us can be level-headed the next time we meet to re-discuss whatever that is troubling us." (Alan Yeo - Year 3 Arts) "I usually pen down my angry thoughts in my diary because when I read what I have written, I find it easier to understand the underlying reasons that resulted in my anger as I can more easily spot the stimulus (of my anger)." (S. Meenakshi - Year 2 Computing) "Many people that I have met have found it strange that I start counting random things in my surroundings to calm myself down when I am angry. I'm not suggesting that others do the same but I think that strange or not, finding anything to concentrate on and distract you from your anger is always a good thing." (Joel Krishnan - Year 1 Engineering)  "Okay, being a psych major helps in dealing with my anger. I try to analyze the reasons for my anger and question whether I'm feeling angry only because of the current situation or whether some of my anger stems from a past experience, which had certain similar features as the current situation. In that way, I can avoid throwing my anger at a poor, innocent soul." (Tracy Tan - Year 2 Arts) "Most of the time, I've realized that I've been angry because of an incomplete or inaccurate understanding of the real issue in question. To counter that, I started to develop the habit of reframing or paraphrasing critical issues that could potentially anger me, just so that I don't misinterpret them and also so that I can give a positive spin to these issues. It helps." (Akshay K. - Year 2 Law)  "Exercise. It hasn't failed me yet. You get an alternative outlet to channel your emotions and it is a very healthy distraction from your anger." (Farah -  Year 3 Science)  "I call up my best friend and rant to her until we're both thoroughly exhausted - me from talking and her from patiently and sympathetically listening. She returns the favor when she needs to deal with her own anger. We don't judge each other when we're providing a listening ear, but we ask pointed questions so that we can help each other to understand better the real stimuli for our anger. Thank god for friends like that!" (Debbie Teh - Year 1 Arts)  "I just prefer to withdraw into myself when I'm angry just so that I don't say or do anything that would cause irreparable damage to the people around me, especially those who matter. Withdrawing into myself also gives me time to reflect on my anger and rationalize the reasons (behind it)." (Cai Yong Jie - Year 3 Engineering)         All of the proposals dealing with anger highlighted above, converge on one main point of similarity, that is, they are ordinary and simple behavioral adjustments that we can make when we are feeling angry, yet their simplicity does not detract from their ability to enable us to extraordinarily manage our anger.         Go ahead and try some of these suggestions out whenever you feel that your anger is rising. Overtime, they might become a habitual way for you to react to your anger. If there is ever a good habit to pick up, effectively managing your anger is it. hooked Images courtesy of Google Images  Comments Write Comment Name: Guest Title: Comment:

 

< Prev		Next >