According to our sources, there's
this huge myth circulating JCs that undergrads party hard and study
harder - or is that the other way around? No matter. But just as how
the Titanic was thought to be unsinkable, The Powers That Be have a
certain sense of humor (or lack thereof) regarding matters such as these.
So here's a peek into the flip-side of undergraduate life, whose aim
is to make it through university with as little studying as possible.
 6.35am
Alarm rings. Lift head to realise
sun is not up yet - hit snooze button. Pull pillow over head, remember
that first lecture is at 8am, but fall asleep in the middle of thought.
8.23am
Cellphone rings. Root under
pile of thrice-worn clothing. Locate phone on the floor, beside the bed. Answer
with unintelligible grunt. Friend demands to know whereabouts - grunt
monosyllabic answers. Too early for complex questions like "Where
are you?" and "Are you coming for tutorial?"
Hang up on friend,
roll over, throw phone into another pile of thrice-worn clothing. Wonder
if laundry should be done this week. Fall asleep in the middle of thought.
 9.15am
Phone has been ringing incessantly
for the past hour. Too bright to sleep - forgot to close curtains last
night. Curses. Head to bathroom for morning ritual: yawn, scratch bits,
splash water on face, excavate nose. Decide to brush teeth - just
to shake things up a little.
No energy time
to shower, use deodorant like hairspray. Head back to room, pick shirt
at random off floor - whoa, way too funky-smelling. Pick another
shirt - not too bad. Better than the first, anyway. Run fingers through
hair (comb is somewhere under mess on study table), grab plastic file
(with wallet, pen, and foolscap), hunt for cellphone.
Put on flip flops
- PANTS. PANTS ARE ESSENTIAL. Jeans look like they could stand up
on their own, and probably walk out the door too, so next option. Board
shorts are good. Good and (relatively) clean. Locate cellphone
and head for MRT.
10.17am
Board 96 leisurely. Wonder
why everyone is rushing - 20 minutes off a 2 hour-lecture/tutorial
isn't going to hurt any. Fall asleep in the middle of thought.
10.32am
Enter tutorial room, mumble apology. Locate project group mates, sit
in general vicinity, scan adjacent sheets of paper for notes and/or
Helpful Homework HintsTM. Why bother figuring out the wrong answers
yourself when other people already have the right ones? And why is class
nerd glaring? Please, this is called ‘strategic referencing'
- I'm hardly copying word-for-word.
Class nerd has whipped notebook
out of sight. Curses. Fix gaze on the spot just over professor's shoulder,
nod occasionally. Try not to fall asleep in the middle of thought.
11.47am
Head to canteen for lunch.
Borrow - with every intent to return - friend's assignment, proceed
to paraphrase with random punctuation and rearrangement of sentences.
1.35pm
Too early to head to class.
Order another drink.
1.57pm
Still too early to head to class. Order third drink. Wonder why canteen
is starting to empty out so fast. Fall asleep in the middle of thought.
2.14pm
Awakened by cellphone ringing - answer with unintelligible grunt. Too soon after lunch for complex questions
like "Are you on your way to tutorial?"
Head slowly for class, repeat
as per abovementioned tutorial scenario. Watch clock on wall, wonder
if lesson will end early. Try not to fall asleep in the middle of thought.
3.58pm
Board 96 leisurely, switch
on music player, stare blankly out of window. Wonder if assignment needs
to be submitted today. Fall asleep in the middle of thought.
8.39pm
Get online, check Friendster,
Facebook, MySpace and Multiply for new messages/comments/testimonials/blog
posts. Throw sheep at a few friends.
Decide to check NUSMail for first
time in two weeks. Discover that deadline for GAPS exercise was last
week. Curses.
Log on MSN, engage in nudge war with friends. Poke said
friends on Facebook for added revenge.
 10.57pm
In the middle of MSN project meeting. Group leader delegating tasks, decide
not to volunteer, duties allocated anyway. Curses.
Slapped by a fish
on Facebook. Retaliate with SuperPoke and sheep. Add occasional response
on MSN meeting, lest project mates assume silence to mean consent.
Select
Facebook game application at random, challenge friend to duel.
2.08am
Still engaged in online battle.
Occasional nudge war and fish-throwing bouts. Wonder if lecture notes
are posted in IVLE. Attacked by spate of flying sheep, slapping fish,
and vicious pokes. Declare virtual war.
4.58am
Stalk profiles on Friendster
and MySpace, spam comment/testimonial boxes, wish that there were sheep
to throw. Wonder if it's too late to text friend to print set of tomorrow's
lecture notes. Fall asleep in the middle of thought.
Suggested use:
Tailor above timetable template according to own specific schedule (may
vary with individual). Lather, rinse, repeat, graduate. HOOKED
Images courtesy of Google Images
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