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Top 3 Oddities Never to Demonstrate in Front of Your Lover |
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Written by Rohaizatul Azhar
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How much do I love thee
Let me count the ways
So goes one of the most romantic poems ever written. But are we so
deeply in love with our significant other that we are comfortable
enough to do everything in front of them? HOOKED brings you the top three odd things you should never do when you’re in the presence of your significant other.
1. Beating around the bush
Girls:
It is reasonable for your significant other to expect you to keep your nether region from looking like their pet border collie, and if you’re not doing that much, then you’ve got a serious problem at hand, and – blush – at the back of their throats. You are neither foreign nor are you part of Edison Chen’s harem of girls. Yes, we all know that the fashion world is going all eco-friendly nowadays, but that, however, does not mean you have to go all out to conserve your Amazon rainforest. You are not Bobo Chan.
Guys:
What’s in a mane? A set of chest hair on a man, in some cultures, is considered to be manly and even – gags – sexy. So manly, that Tom Jones was reported to have insured his chest hair for US$7 million bucks! But can we say the same for the crop, situated south of the border?
Guys, keeping a full set of hair down under is neither manly nor sexy. It’s disturbing. Having it trimmed actually gives your ‘BFF’ the illusion of having been enlarged. Besides, you wouldn’t want to risk exposing strays when you are parading in your Speedos (not that I am advocating such displays of gag-ness) or worse, just like in The Sweetest Things, get it all tangled around your significant other’s tongue piercing!
2. Expelling Gas
Girls:
This was unanimously voted as the single most disgusting thing one would/should never do in front of their significant other. It was embarrassing enough for my friends to talk about it and thus, I shall not even begin to try and write about it.
Guys:
In a relationship, all girls like to pretend that their lovers don’t actually fart.
Of course, this is just a delusion that every girl affords herself to because girls know men fart. And they fart all the time. It’s all a conspiracy, a kind of a relationship test if you like. Not being able to hold it in through the night without letting it rip, translates to her that you place your own comfort higher than her feelings.
That being said, it does not mean that you are free to let loose a silent but deadly one – which is not a good thing if you want to get something something from her.
3. If it ain’t gum
Girls:
I’ve never actually met girls who admit to chewing on their toenails but while talking to some friends about this, it seems that there are some girls who, in their most private of moments, bite their toenails.
That has got to be the single most disgusting thing I’ve heard. However, as my girlfriends have all solemnly sworn, such an act is only carried out in their most private of moment. There is no way they’ll ever do that in front of their significant other nor will they admit to committing such an act. In fact, this conversation with me never did happen! Too late girls.
Guys:
I know of guys who like to bite their toenails. This Cirque du Soleil act is unfathomable to me. Thank goodness these boys, as many of them admitted, would never do it in front of their significant others.
So there goes the top three amongst my group of friends. These are, of course, part of a whole slew of other odd things people generally wouldn’t (and shouldn't) do in front of their significant other, such as:
4. Defecation of any kind
5. Talking about the ex
6. Picking your nose
7. Eating too much
8. Shopping too much (more for girls than guys)
9. Taking a whiff of their smelly socks (ok, more for guys than girls)
10. Gossip
There you have it. Let’s try to keep these private thoughts and actions to ourselves and not include the lover. What are the odd things you’d never do in front of your significant other? HOOKED
Images courtesy of Google Images
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Written by Guest on 2008-02-25 03:09:18
friggin hilarious article Rohai! | Written by Guest on 2008-02-27 20:28:05
a funny article, keep it up!
and wow, we can finally comment without having to signup/login=) | Written by Guest on 2008-02-28 09:44:25
huh? why e sudden rush towards e end?
surely there can more oddball advice than no-brainers please? | Written by Guest on 2008-03-14 04:35:11
i cannot emphasize enough how hilarious and well written this article is!
kudos to the writer! | Written by Guest on 2008-09-22 19:02:52
 dude u r nasty
| Written by Guest on 2008-09-23 15:16:58
 | Written by Guest on 2008-09-29 06:44:50
  | Written by Guest on 2008-11-14 23:30:25
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